Saturday, November 21, 2009

Trying To Remember Where Oprah Has Been Throughout My Single Life.....

It's another boring Saturday again here in Los Angeles. I just logged into my account and I found no communciation from any match. It's really depressing!! I had cancelled my membership and I will have until Febrary to use up my paid dues, which will not be refunded.

Anyway, I came home last night from work and I went straight to bed and woke up just now. I can't believe it. Instead of going out finding my future husband, I went to sleep instead. Why did I feel so tired? I think I must have "SPES" - Single Person Exhaustion Syndrome. Can anyone out there fact check this for me and see if such a syndrome does exist afterall and it's not my imagination
So, nothing's new on and nothing's new on the Internet either, America is still heavily in debt and highly unemployable, and the world is still rotating (by the way, does the earth rotate clockwise or anti-clockwise???) Naturally, Oprah's teary announcement is the only thing that is important enough to become today's national headline in this country. Look, there is tear in Oprah's eyes, look!!! Oh, no! What should we do now??

So Oprah is announcing her big quit when I haven't had a chance to watch her show yet! When I first came to this country, I heard about her everywhere I went. She is like the Goddess of America that everybody is worshipping. I was beginning to believe that her head was actually on the dollar bills, just like the Queen of England on our HK dollar bills before 1997. I remember checking my dollar bills and even the coins, and I was surprised that Oprah's head wasn't on any of them. Then I checked the stamps, and she wasn't there... Can anyone tell me if Ophra's head is ever on any of your stamps?? So far, all the females that I have encountered in this country all ga ga about Oprah. I heard about her so much from my American friends, colleagues, the media, my clients, I had a dream about her on Sunday night.

The reason I am writing this post is because her annoucement reminded me of my nightmare on Sunday night. No kidding, Oprah was actually in my nightmare. I dreamt that I was trying to go through a fancy chateau like building on the corner of a very steep hill (may be because I had just stayed at Nob Hill in San Francisco for my recent vacation...). I thought instead of walking up the top of the hill to get to the other side , I could get through this fancy chateau like building and get to the other side instead. The building was really fancy with sparkly gold rims on every exterior window sill. Anyway, that was a mistake, and that's where my nightmare began. I walked in but I was trapped and couldn't find a way out. I was trapped in a huge ballroom with huge long tables setup all over (just like the set up you will have in any seminars or conferences you attend). The difference for this one is the tables were placed in such complicated line-up that, the whole set up is like a maze... I had no idea how I could walk through it when I couldn't find any aisle I could access, I saw the asiles but I couldn't get to them. What made it worse was there were big open flames here and there on every few tables serving as petitions between tables. Or were they put there meant to be centerpieces??? The flames were roaring just like the flamming stoves you find in the kitchens of Chinese restaurants when the chefs there were doing stir-fry. In my nightmare, I was thinking, "God, are they going to have a big shabu-shabu dinner? (where food is cooked in hotpot on the tabletop, very pouplar in Chinese and Japanese dining) But these are way too big a fire for shabu-shabu!! This restaurant is so in violation of the fire code!!"

Before I could figure out how to proceed through the table maze with huge flames, I heard noises and I saw from a long distance, some chefs or kitchen staffs were rolling in food and plates and whatever utensils. That restaurant really got a huge ballroom so they didn't even see me when I was in the faraway opposite end. I was still trying to walk through the tables so I could get to whatever entance the kitchen people were rolling in. But the aisles were like so crooked and so mysterious I felt like I walked and walked and I was never proceeding and was at the same end of the restaurant ballroom. I thought I was clever when I figured out I would claw underneath the tables, straight across. I didn't know why I thought that was clever in my dream. What difference would it have made, really? But this is why it was a dream, people did stupid things.

As I was clawing through, I heard more noises and saw lots of feet rushing in. I could tell a crowd was flowing in and somehow one of them found me underneath the tables and called out, "Hey, what are you doing down there, get up!! The dinner is about to begin!! Come on!" You have no idea how embarrassed I felt at the time when I was spotted on the floor like that!! So I got up trying to act like calm and normal, "Oh, I dropped my earrings and I was trying to find it, but never mind..." Then all of a sudden, I heard the crowd clap their hands and roar at the far end of the ballroom, I followed their star-strucked glances and I saw , guess who? Oprah was making her entrance of course!! A young African American teenager (I think he was like 15 years old, something like that) at the time dragged me by my hands and said, "hey, come here and take a seat, don't stand there like that.. you are blocking my view of Oprah!!" I looked at the teenager and saw him in a very nice plaid suit, hanging a digital camera around his neck and I was thinking "this boy looks like a very good kid cause he was speaking without an accent and he got no earrings, no tatoo and his hair was short and clean cut. He is such an enthusiastic young fellow that he is going to have a bright future like Obama, I can tell from his eyes." So I sat next to him (which was the only seat I could seem to get to for no good reason, I was still trapped in that table maze) but unfortunately, my seat was also next to one of that many big fire centerpieces or partition, that got me really nervous.

As soon as I sat down, I found the Oprah magazine sitting on my plate. Meanwhile Oprah was starting to talk and everybody became dead quiet and focused all their attention on what Oprah was about to say. She thanked everybody for attending the speical dinner she was hosting in her new Oprah Restaurant. I thought at the time, "Boy, Oprah is now in the restaurant business too! This woman will put her hands in every business, pretty soon, there will be the Oprah brand of Chinese Psychic & Fung Sui Joints...".

Few minutes into Oprah's big speech about how wonderful it was to have people of all colors to sit down together in her brand new Oprah restaurant, to share a nice evening of great meal without prejudice, without being racially critical and judgemental, my ADD kicked in and my mind started to drift away to somewhere else. (I was never officially diagnosed cause it wasn't a custom for parents in Hong Kong to take their kids for pyschiatric evaulation like the parents here in America..... I just was never able to pay attention during any class lecture from my kindergarten to my college.. and now, my continuing professional seminars that I am required to would have made no difference if I was never sent to school and just stayed home with my mother to read on my own...) I started flipping open the Oprah Magazine sitting on my plate and browsing through the fashion and beauty sections, disappointing to find out that all the advice were really meant for women my mother's age. As soon as I concluded that the Oprah Magazine wasn't my cup of tea, Oprah stood in front of me with a stern look and her hands on each of her hips. She told me, "Don't you know how many others would like to take your seat tonight and be here to participate in this historical cross racial exchange and to help humankinds to increase appreciation of each other? You just sit here with disinterest and you seem to be busy doing something else instead of listening to my speech!!! This is very disrepectful to any host, you know that??"

At that moment, I felt an instant nostalgia of how my 6th grade English teacher (who was a nun) picked on me and made me stand up to humiliate me with a lecture about me not paying attention in class but reading Daninelle Steel's novel, "Crossing". At the same time, the big fire centerpiece on my left side of my table really made me nervous cause the air ventiliation of the room just kept blowing the flames in my direction and very close to my hair...My eyes were darting between the flames and Oprah's offended face while I was constantly leaning to my right on the African American teenager, who at the time was mistaken that I was hitting on him. My dogding the flames and my inability to maintain eye contact with Oprah while she was reprimanding me only offended her more. I was so stressed out and I just wanted Oprah to get off my back so the hundreds of pair of eyes from the crowd will stop staring at me and the spot light above my head will move away! I thought, "This is definitely much worse than when my Daninelle Steel novel was confistigated in front of my 55 classmates in 6th grade in Hong Kong. This is me being humiliated in front of hundreds of people in a fancy restaurant and I don't know how many millions of people will be watching this on TV. Oh no... Whoever Oprah likes always becomes America's sweet heart and hero, I can't imagine what will happen to any person whom Oprah detests, oh no..."
"Sorry, I have to run my errands now on this boring Saturday and this nightmare of mine will be continued later....."

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